Before our fourth anniversary is over, my love

I haven't always been the best husband to you. In fact for the first year I was downright rotten. But you stuck with me. That's one of the things I love most about you. You stick: with people, with things, with ideas, with me. I'm too easily distracted, too easily swayed. As much as I hate to admit it, I'd rather be liked than respected. Not you though – you wear it all on your chest, defiantly. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I couldn't love you as much as I do if you weren't just so.

You scare some people. They don't get you, think you're haughty or intimidating. They don't see how kind you are – kind to a fault. Or how loyal you are to the people you love, even when they don't always return that loyalty in kind. But this unexpected softness isn't a weakness – it's a strength. You're strong enough to let yourself hurt. Strong enough to hold the people you love to account, and to forgive them afterwards.

Very few people see your silly side, that girlish glee at adventures and surprises and peanut butter treats. I long to clasp that part of you to my chest, unwilling to share it with the world. It's no more or less real than the powerful professional woman who strides out into the day, elegant and eloquent and at the top of her game. I love that part of you too. 

You make me so proud. More than proud actually – honoured is a better word. I am honoured to be part of your life. People say this kind of soppy crap all the time, but you make me want to be better. Not because you demand or expect it – inexplicably you love me just the way I am – but because I know I can be. You show me I can be.

I've realised over the last few years how few people I'm really close to – how few I allow to get close. For all my supposed gregariousness I am actually quite shy and private. I suppose that comes of my mistrust of this rough world, for which I sometimes think I am poorly equipped – a puppy in a dog fight. But you are the one person I truly trust above all. Like I always say to you: "Home is wherever the two of us are together."

And so, my bright one, here we are. Four years, many tears and much love and laughter later. I love you more now than I ever have. Don't go to sleep yet – I am coming home soon.

One Response to “Before our fourth anniversary is over, my love

  • Heart achingly beautiful, and so intimate – which to me shows how deeply visible the person you love is to you, and how present she is in your life.

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